Another giant, smothered by depression

I can't say anything poetic about him, just that it feels like losing a favorite uncle. Who knows what he was like off screen. If the moments captured on film were a peek into his real self... Guy was intense. Hope he found his peace.

M wanted to see me..."sometime soon." And in typical fashion I offered my first free night in 2 weeks to him. Then promptly freaked out at having to reclean my kitchen and wash sheets for a 1 hour visit. I couldn't do it. Not for him. I panicked. Dizzy, heart racing. Told him I couldn't do it.

So. He was like, "maybe you don't want to have a relationship with me at all, you just want to please me because I'm nice to you....maybe you just hate Jews."

That was supposed to be a joke. After a few hours I responded "yuck, I hate that you said that," to which he said he was sorry. He had already sent an email apologizing. When he switches from text to email...that's his way of distancing himself.

So fuck all this.