The deed is done

And today is part deux, telling Christina and the others about my departure. Michael was my moral support this week as I began dreading the conversation about leaving the company. He was right, it does feel so good to be on this side of it. I gave my friend Dan an early heads up, and realized that he too has been feeling disenfranchised. I sincerely hope that he finds empowerment as I did and makes his own path toward happiness. He is so close, but lets his guilt hold him back.

The technical skills I learned at JOI are numerous. The interpersonal skills I learned will serve me well. But the trauma of never being fully able to express my frustration will haunt me forever. Before I came to JOI I had never even heard of codependency. Now I know it intimately because of having been surrounded by people whose tendencies toward this unhealthy behavior were fully realized in an environment of manipulation and power struggles. In recent years I've had the fortune of seeing myself and my situation from an outsider's perspective. Had I started out that way, I would have built the proper boundaries to protect myself from the damage caused by others' jealousies, resentments, scheming. But I chose to dive in, even married into the JOI employee family. I wanted acceptance and I wove myself into the tapestry of Oppenheimer history, gilded as it was by intellectual attitudes and waspy superiority. And once in, I became aware of who knew what, how we were all being led where they wanted us, how this was one huge narcissistic game and we were the pawns.

Fast forward 14 years and here I am, making one  of my final commutes into the city that I used to love. Looking back on how this experience changed me. How on the one hand, my first day with this company coincided with meeting the man I would marry and with whom I would have my only child, and how I wouldn't trade that gift for anything in the world. But how on the other hand, my former director, a clinical sociopath who admitted that she envied my success as a mother and professional, distorted my perception of this business and of my capabilities as an art restorer. She did everything in her power to take away what happiness I took from this job, denying me opportunities for growth and travel. Because of Zoe," I was told I could not travel for work, in spite of my explicit requests to help out on overnight jobs which would have greatly empowered me in my career development. Today, however, I am enjoying the humble achievements of a 20 year stint in the art business, embarking on a bright future with a clear conscience, having only risen higher in my mind's eye in spite of her repeated attempts to drag me down.