One year later I stood up to creepy train dude

It had to be over a year ago when I had an odd encounter with a man, Indian, probably 50, who sidled too close to me on the double seat on the train. He did it so slowly, with each scheduled stop pushing his elbow more into my space, until I noticed him look around at the last stop before the train expressed ahead, and then he let his legs wander next to mine, touching, blocking me in. By this time I was so flustered and confused that someone would think this acceptable, that I jerked myself up out of my seat and glared and could only say "MOVE." I wanted to tell an engineer but I felt violated and was too nervous to form words.

Today I was sitting in a window seat, preoccupied with shopping on my phone, when I got the feeling it was happening again. I looked at him and the words came a little more easily this time. "Oh my God, it's you again. Can you stop touching me with your arm? It's creepy and it's not the first time." He pulled back but acted dumb like he didn't understand. So I said louder, "It's creepy, stop touching me like that! Fuck." It felt so goooooood!!!!!

So was I traumatized by all those years if commuting on the subway among the pants-shitters and ass grinders, with nowhere to go, no other option for transit? Indeed, I was a scared kid, afraid to lose my job, my boyfriend, and my studio apartment. I had a cat to feed, after all, so I just had to fight my way through. Take what they gave me. Endure.

Look at me now. I dumped a husband, waved goodbye to in-law pampering, raised a kid alone, bought my own home, ran a 10 mile race, climbed some mountains and shit. I'm still alive, just like the old classic rock song by Pearl Jam.

And yet, every day I walk in this door, going on 13 years, I become that stupid scared girl again.